BeingDad

Blog post 6 Education part 3 (The ugly)

As I have mentioned in the previous post I believe that financial education should be taught in schools. The thing is, do burger flippers at McDonald’s get taught the companies business model?

So, where am I going with this one? Well, education itself is a business. It’s f@cking big business! You guys in the States know how much it is to put your kids through school and if truth be known the UK is following. The older system in the UK was at 16 you left and started working or if you where intelligent you went to college until 18 and then either work or if you where super intelligent then it was university.

How our current model is you must go to college or have an apprenticeship (electrician, heating engineer etc). No manual labour for our 16/17 year olds now. The college is that bait for a lot. The sales pitch, eh your pretty good. Why not go to Uni and get even better grades and have a fun times staying in rented accommodation while you do it. At only 40,000 US dollars uni fees plus around 20,000 US dollars accommodation and just another what 40,000 dollars living allowance you can be a really educated burger flipper at McDonald’s. All this, we, the government will help you financially because we are oh so nice……yeah right! Debt with interest before have earned a dime. The parents aren’t even educated in the UK to support there kids on this. All wrong, and it will get worse. You will soon need degrees to change a wheel on a car, NO you can’t do it at home! It has to go to the main dealership for this where they will charge you $400/£280 for the privilege. I know it’s wrong (however very legal) but I can get good part worn tyres for £20/$30 fitted. The con is on!

Mis-allocation of funds is another topic. Schools get a certain amount per pupil and extra if the student has needs. Getting the help the student needs from the school is a whole different ball game from the school. They are generally happy to take the funds but then filter them elsewhere. Two schools locally have had there headteachers suspended whilst investigations have gone on. I actually feel sorry for them in some respects as they have to run there school as a business, nothing else, nothing more, a business which attracts customers (parents with there kids) and then show a profit at the end of each year to keep the CEO happy.

Education has become largely bullshit, the system needs to change or a separate system needs to be built. Good luck with that😕

See you next week (blog post 7 proud dad)

BeingDad

Education part 2 (The Bad)

First of all, if any teacher reads this then I really do have the upmost respect for you.

The problem I have is with the system itself. Now I realise that I am speaking from my own personal point of view and it’s very UK based so if you are from another country then let me know your problems with education.

First of all as I have eluded to in part one is that 90% of what is learned by our little poppets is literally trivia, fun facts or pub quiz answers. So what should be taught I hear you ask? Well maths and English or your own national language for a start, it doesn’t have to be quantum physics in maths or the works of Shakespeare in English (although my wife would differ on the later). Just the basics to get through life.

As regards maths, if you excel then yes do advanced maths but if you don’t then replace with financial education and management. Straight away every kid in there teens should understand the concept of getting a loan or mortgage and the implications of interest. Work out the concept of saving when you are home with your parents if you can to reduce debt in the future (if only somebody taught me that🤦🏻‍♂️). Also this is sadly neglected and probably for a reason which I will go to in part 3.

In the uk, we generally learn French as our second language. Our country made a concerted effort from 1912 to educate us on this to this day. Now this typifies our education system, it doesn’t change or if it does then it to slow. I have nothing against French but surely Spanish would be more beneficial or even mandarin (Yeap, the new superpower). Imagine if you could master them 3 languages at young age, the world would be your oyster.

At the end of July the kids break up for the six week holidays, yeah for kids and aaaarrrgghh for parents. The reason why we have the six weeks at this point is so the our children can help the farmers with the harvest. Brilliant, just brilliant. Honestly just have 2 or 3 weeks at this point. I would then be tempted to add an additional week at xmas and have 2 flexible weeks when we could book off at any point giving kids a break or a holiday for the family at a less expensive time.

During the lockdowns of Covid it highlighted that schools are in a way just super crèches allowing parents to work. The trouble is the system is still similar to the early 1900’s. Kids are less and less interested because society has advanced rapidly. They are also far to rigid. We aren’t educating our kids, we are conditioning them and do you what,they are rebelling and fair play to that.

Part 3 next week. We will dig deeper on why schools are like they are and path is paved with further problems.

Education The Good (blog post Quattro part A)

One of the Ancient Greek meanings of word school is to rest, leisure and errr to have fun. Now as you know, being a parent it generally is the polar opposite of this or at least your child thinks this. As for our kids, well 3 out of 4 ain’t bad as meatloaf sang, well he didn’t quite sing that but you know what I’m saying.

Child 3 has the problem with the education prison. He simply burns out very quickly and we can see it, we actually gave him a day off this for it this week.

You see the thing is, is that he is very switched on and ultimately I think that he knows that 90% of the stuff he is learning about is ultimately pointless, add this to the fact that in the UK we have gone down the route of building new schools with big open spaces which are like amphitheater’s. This is perfect for the increasing amount of kids with sensory issues…….NOT. Again these designs where poorly thought by a desk jobs worth.

What are my thoughts on school?

Schools have 2, maybe 3 good qualities. Quality numero uno:- you learn to learn. Yeap, once you have mastered the basics of mathematics and English, well a lot of everything else as I have mentioned is almost pointless but you are learning to learn. With the internet and things like you tube and obviously outstanding blogposts like this😉 you have all the tools for life at your fingertips for whatever subject you choose. Schools can condition ourselves at a young age that the concept of learning is required.

Quality number two. The social aspect, That fine art which western society is slowly slipping away from, talking to each other and making physical friends (of Course BeingDad is your friend as well). I think that this speaks for itself. Humans are social creatures and I personally think school years are extremely important with these social building blocks. Once you have close friends at school, you develop an almost un breakable bond with them.

I literally bumped into one of these friends who I had not seen for over twenty years recently and with in a few seconds, well school yard fun was like yesterday again. We loose this as adults. There is also the opposite of this unfortunately and that is bullying, it still happens in this day and age possibly in some respects it’s worse as the torture can carry on outside of school due to social media. As a parent, thankfully at the moment we have not encountered this. We have open book policy in our house where we discuss everything, drugs, sex, you name it and it’s an open discussion so I’m hoping should it ever occur then we will face it full on after all a problem shared is a problem halved. If you are alerted to this, needless to say the school should be contacted immediately.

The Fear Bubble

Ant Middleton is a former elite soldier and marine. He is now a popular figure on UK and Australian tv. He has also wrote a few books, one of which is fear bubble. In the book there is a section where a student is struggling with his exams, these tests are simply on the kids mind all of the time, so much so that the poor kid can’t function. He reached out to the soldier via social media and the author give him the advice of the bubble. You only have to worry about things when you are in that bubble so when watching tv, playing soccer or having tea simply switch off. When you are studying or at school, then it’s the bubble, attack the bubble then. We tried this with our third child. Sundays the shoulders would drop and any one of a number of illnesses would come on. I simply said “ look, your not at school now. You are only at school when you walk through them gates and then just take it lesson by lesson” I go further by saying “when you walk out the school, that’s it job done”. It seems to have helped.

Quality number 3 again can swing both ways and that’s because it does teach discipline. It does give kids a routine and there are rules. This helps for the foundations of a civil society because if kids didn’t have rules well have you watched Lord of the Flies?

These are the good points of education, I could go further into each quality but I thinks that’s enough for this post. Please feel free to comment. If your a teacher then what are you thoughts? I have a massive respect for you guys.

Education will cover blog post 5 and 6 because they are the bad and ugly side of schools/colleges/universities

Until the next post see y’all later

BeingDad

Autism, ADHD, cousins and tyre kickers Blog post 3

A family barbecue in summer is always good, you know the ones. All the family descend on the back garden/yard. Nice relaxing atmosphere etc etc.

I’m rolling back around 10 years for this one in question which puts all our kids (nephews and nieces as well) at a very young age. So as you know with 8 kids, there ages ranging from 1-10 you have to have eyes in the back of your head.

The garden in question was the mother in laws, a big garden on a corner plot with woods and abandoned garages at the back of it. A 6 foot fence separates her patch and these said woods with a wooden gate and large tyre lent against the gate as a form of security to stop young explorers escaping. It was at the tyre where we witnessed a meeting of our child 3 and nephew 4. They where communicating how to move this tyre and thus embark on an adventure.

You see, the thing is neither could talk properly at that point, yet they where clearly understanding each other with grunts, gobbledygook and errr telepathy.

Fast forward to the present day and whilst they are very different, they still have that bond. I feel for the victims of this same communication on Xbox live.

Like I said in previous posts, my son 3 could have ADHD. He is very intelligent, well at his leisure at least and nephew is straight in the middle autistic. But we have noticed how many people of these two diagnoses connect with each other, in many cases unwittingly. One of my closest friends may touch the autistic spectrum but his brother is a definite. Another 2 of my friends have brother in laws who are well on the spectrum again one of these will never live independently. As for ADHD, the sister in laws 2 closest friends probably would be diagnosed with it, they are literally wired.

Living with one of these 2 diagnoses does definitely hinder you when forming friendships and relationships. When you do manage though you can get a pure no bullshit bond. What it’s say on the packet is exactly what you get so if you are struggling, keep going, trying and you also will find that bond. Good honest people are out there and will totally appreciate and get you.

Being Dad

Birthday Boy, Blog Post 2

Well it was the birthday of nephew 4 the other day. Always nice to get the family gathered for occasions like this, especially for him.

I arrive at 5pm with our kids, get in the house and after a minute I ask the question “so, where is he?” The reply from the sister in law is “he isn’t back from school yet.” Ummm, it’s a long day for him I thought. So we sit down and chat like families do, memories flowing of the antics of what the boys have been upto over the years are with all. However somewhere in our collective grey matter the fact that birthday boy was starved of oxygen (which is the probable cause of his learning disability) when he was born and the fact that he may not be able to ever live independently is with us. We hardly talk about it and to be fair, it hardly pops into our thoughts but occasionally it does

So let’s park the Ronaldo’s, Tom Brady’s and Tyson Fury’s of the world, this little guys a hero to me.

So finally the mini bus from his special educational school drops him off, he trundles up the path, through the front door and into the full living room to delightful cries of “Happy Birthday, Yeeeaaahh’

Then he does what he simply does but for some reason today with a touch of class. He manages to tackle the temptation of swearing, he intercepts the rashness of lashing out and he dodges the blows of tears and frustration. What he does, is simply look at us all, keep it together, say nothing and walk straight back out…..like I say class!

As any autistic (Yeap, he is autistic as well) person or parent knows, this is way to much for nephew number 4. By deciding to take himself away from this situation and having ten minutes to switch off (he actually needed longer), he managed to somehow get himself together, come back downstairs, open up his presents and say hi to everyone. He lasted around 20 minutes before taking himself back to his sanctuary of peace and quiet. It may seem nothing to most people and maybe even rude to others but the simple fact that he remained polite and composed was quality and we all knew it.

He was confirmed with autism a couple of years ago but we have known from a very early age. The meltdowns, the silence, the quirks, it was all there and then mainstream education! (I think blogpost 4 will cover this,) It has been one hell of a rollercoaster especially for nephew 4’s parents who have done an amazing job and are continuing to do so.

Thank you for reading the post, I guess it’s all there on the internet if you suspect your child may have autism (I will really go into the subject as the blog develops) but this goes for any kid, just remember that they may have had a difficult day at school and as they can’t express themselves then sometimes they can literally explode like opening a bottle of shook up fizzy pop. Sometimes they may need time to chill, then you can talk.

My next blogpost (3) will cover the relationship between my son number 3 and this guy (nephew 4)

Dad blog post 1 Welcome to the chaos!

Well, here it is! The first post. Why is it here? Well, just to let dads know that you are doing a great job. If you are reading this, then clearly you are trying and that is near enough anyone can ask. Could you do more?Well yeah, but you have to keep your mental well-being in check to and that’s ultra important.

Who am I? I’m the dad of four mad kids and husband of an insane wife, that’s the obvious answer. Never as straightforward as that, This is about being dad so I will mention my good lady a minimal amount of times because a lot of dad aren’t as fortunate as I am. My kid’s are all completely unique. I will number them 1 to 4. With 1 being the eldest etc. So 1.2 and 3 are teens or as near as damn it. 1, we did wonder if she was on the autistic spectrum. If she is, it is most likely only just. She has a very dry sense of humour and intelligent, a lethal cocktail to mock me with at times, some hilarious put downs. 2, Mr athletic, his current vice is boxing. Dads taxi in full flow 3 times a week and this is only the beginning, I’ve been more of a soccer guy but vowed never to live my dream through my kids so boxing at the moment it is. He is bugger for misplacing things and gets in a right flap when it happens but he is a good lad although not the sharpest tool in the box. He literally gets on with everyone, has loads of mates and has brilliant hand/eye coordination. If he continues like this then life will be a breeze for him.

Number 3 oh number 3. He will either be a Sherlock or a Moriarty. The lad can get in trouble but equally get himself out of it. On a serious note, we strongly suspect he has adhd. School can be problematic but all in all, he is doing better with it than expected. He could be a genius if it entertained him but it doesn’t. He loves reptiles and spiders, all animals like him. He is also decent cook. He enjoys it, so the plan with this one is to focus on his strengths and not his weaknesses. Just grind through lad. Number 4. Ultimately dads girl! Simply she is coming along a treat, doesn’t think dad is an idiot at the moment, very intelligent though not overly impressed with her new teacher at school. She gets super stressed if she can’t achieve something or things go her way. We are working on this.

Furthermore I am Uncle to 4 kids who are all either autistic or have adhd. Life has certainly been eventful but with the experience now under my belt, I feel I can empathise and help other dads whilst we bat through this wonderful shit together. It’s definitely got it’s moments, good and bad. Let’s celebrate the wins and take losses together.

PS I will post once a week, probably around mid week. Cheers guys